Lost in Just an Idea
In 2014 & 2015, back to back, I dealt with the loss of close and significant family members; a failed relationship; loss of self; hardships and losing sight of my faith. However, no one really saw my struggles. Why? Because I constantly maintained a camouflage front, and hid my issues and feelings behind keeping busy, completing my Masters program, checking the blocks for promotion, and satisfying the joy of others. All this was to no fault of no one, but myself. Instead of camouflaging my issues, I should have stop, take inventory of my self, reflect on the things happening in my life, seek the necessary assistance, grow from lessons learned annnnd then put myself back into action.
It didn't quite happen that way, which would ultimately then lead to a sense of being lost, exhausted and feeling l like I was experiencing a quarter life crisis since life wasn't going as planned.
Such exhaustion would soon lead to a feeling of not having fun; overextending my reach; ideas were being delayed or turned down; constantly on the defense to others for the things I did or the way I live. I was feeling like a Crane in the Sky. My creative spirit was being drained, and that was not cool.
The fun,social, charismatic, inquisitive creative, adventurous Tunesha was fading. Struggling with identity, losing sight of my gifts and talents and difficulty with expressing how I serve people best, were all signs of being in a funk and losing my Sparkle. This struggle needed to cease. For this to occur, I would need to pause in my service of giving to community and start being accountable to myself and my actions. Humbling myself to seek the necessary assistance for reinvigorating my creative spirit and positioning myself within community groups for uplifting the individual such as Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation (HWHN), Tenacious Tribe, KingdomBoss Entrepreneurs, and my Sorority. Most importantly, I started with the person I saw in the mirror and said to self:
" Tunesha, there is not at thing wrong with you. Stop procrastinating and take the actions you know that you need to take. You are unique, beautiful and an intelligent person, that people are constantly trying to figure out. So that makes you specially sweet! And you know what? Thats cool! Keep them on their toes, and don't apologize for the person you are and the things that you love and do. Don't be afraid to failure, because it would lead to your best success. Know your Sparkle and what make you unique to be of service to others."
Hence Sparkle In My I blog would finally move beyond the idea phase and into action.
On Jan 1, 2016, I promised to consciously put myself first, move forward with my goals, put my ideas into action for growth & development in order to strengthen my ability to continue to be of service for my community. Most importantly, I will be unapologetic for my actions towards self-growth. Why? Because, in order to be an amazing leader who gives, you have to learn to be an
amazing RECEIVER. Look in the mirror from time to time and start with yourself.
Be sure what you constantly pour into others, is being poured back into you. Sparkle In My " I " #FyahFly